Artificially Intelligent

Any mimicry distinguishable from the original is insufficiently advanced.

Stories of my Life

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday, marking the end of my 22nd year on Earth. In honor of this, here are 22 stories of my life:

  1. When I was one, I locked myself inside the bathroom.
  2. My mother once took me shopping and I hid inside a circular clothes rack. Afterwards, my mother started putting me on a leash.
  3. I was riding my bike with no hands and then took my feet off the pedals. I ran into a tree.
  4. I scored a 0% on the “appreciation of art and culture” section of my high school career aptitude test.
  5. I once shaved off my eyebrows for $20.
  6. I once used a generalized form of the median voter theorem to deduce the existence of a barber shop.
  7. I practiced facial expressions for a week in high school.
  8. I once forgot about the existence of humidity.
  9. To the deep embarrassment of my parents and myself, I once at nearly all of the blueberries from the fruit tray at a public event.
  10. When I was about twelve, I negotiated a deal in which my mother paid me to cut my hair.
  11. I once tried to move a bed frame to a hammer instead of the other way around.
  12. I tried to convince my high school class to cancel prom and donate the money to charity. It didn’t work.
  13. I made my own soylent and drank it exclusively for lunch for about a month of high school.
  14. I tried sleeping in my closet for about a week.
  15. When I was little, my sister once paid me $5 to eat a dumpling.
  16. The first time I went backpacking, I repeatedly chanted “I’m carrying my house on my back.”
  17. For a year of lower school, I was called Markazoid.
  18. When I was very young, I would get upset when things that looked that buttons turned out not to be buttons.
  19. I got in trouble in 1st grade for making a pen that shot projectiles.
  20. Someone once asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I responded “I do, but I’m not going to tell you because I met you three days ago.”
  21. After my workshop at the Center for Applied Rationality, I spoke at one-quarter volume for a week.
  22. I once got defeated so soundly in a pillow fight that my flesh is still scarred.