Artificially Intelligent

Any mimicry distinguishable from the original is insufficiently advanced.

Stories of my Life

| 392 words

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday, marking the end of my 22nd year on Earth. In honor of this, here are 22 stories of my life:

  1. When I was one, I locked myself inside the bathroom.
  2. My mother once took me shopping and I hid inside a circular clothes rack. Afterwards, my mother started putting me on a leash.
  3. I was riding my bike with no hands and then took my feet off the pedals. I ran into a tree.
  4. I scored a 0% on the “appreciation of art and culture” section of my high school career aptitude test.
  5. I once shaved off my eyebrows for $20.
  6. I once used a generalized form of the median voter theorem to deduce the existence of a barber shop.
  7. I practiced facial expressions for a week in high school.
  8. I once forgot about the existence of humidity.
  9. To the deep embarrassment of my parents and myself, I once ate nearly all of the blueberries from the fruit tray at a public event.
  10. When I was about eight, I negotiated a deal in which my mother paid me to cut my hair.
  11. I once tried to move a bed frame to a hammer instead of the other way around.
  12. I tried to convince my high school class to cancel prom and donate the money to charity. It didn’t work.
  13. For about a month of high school, I made my own soylent and drank it exclusively for lunch.
  14. I tried sleeping in my closet for about a week.
  15. When I was little, my sister once paid me $5 to eat a dumpling.
  16. The first time I went backpacking, I repeatedly chanted “I’m carrying my house on my back.”
  17. For a year of lower school, I was called Markazoid.
  18. When I was very young, I would get upset when things that looked that buttons turned out not to be buttons.
  19. I got in trouble in 1st grade for making a pen that shot projectiles.
  20. Someone once asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I responded “I do, but I’m not going to tell you because I met you three days ago.”
  21. After my workshop at the Center for Applied Rationality, I spoke at one-quarter volume for a week.
  22. I once got defeated so soundly in a pillow fight that my flesh is still scarred.